If it were me…
I used to judge a lot and usually it is not just limited to people but to different situations as well. I am not saying I am not judgmental anymore, but I’m always working to lessen it. It’s actually hard not to judge you know.
Just this morning, I was annoyed when I saw a lady holding a container of coffee or beverage in her hand while walking down the bus’ aisle when obviously it is making her commute harder especially when it’s freezing cold. In my defense, I tried to come up with a good reason such as; she might be using it to warm her hand, but when I saw that she has gloves on, I dismissed the idea. If it were me, I would put it in my bag and would only take it out when I need it. Again, the keyword there is if it were me.
Another pet peeve of mine is when people come rushing to the elevator and once their inside, they won’t even press the close door button. It’s really frustrating especially if you are in a hurry and the time for the door to close by itself is like 10 seconds. If it were me, I would rush through the door, say sorry or thank you to everyone inside and then press the button. If it were me.
Speaking of pet peeves, these are things that are personally annoying to us. It sometimes escapes the boundaries of logic and most of the time we really can’t explain why we feel that way. It is personal, and if it’s personal, we use our own filters and experiences to come up with… yes judgment and all judgment whether you agree with me or not are in a way “personal.”
One very simple learning that I got from my coach training is this, even if we are looking at the same painting, we will have our own judgments, views, and opinions about it. I might find it ugly, but you might find it extraordinary. The important thing is we respect each other’s JVOs (judgments, views, and opinions) even if we don’t agree with each other.
Another thing that I realized is that observation is different from judgment. For example, it is an observation if I say that someone is fat but it is a judgment when I say that person is fat because he/she is a glutton. Observation is simply and plainly expressing what you see, a negative or positive judgment is when you try to come up with a negative or positive reason about what you are seeing.
What’s my point? It is not wrong for us to use judgment on people and situations. It may even be our job to judge. What is wrong is if we preconceive our negative judgment and if we don’t respect others’ judgments, views, and opinion. I know I often try not to use positive or negative but when it comes to judgment, I usually make an exception.
It’s really hard not to judge, we do it to ourselves, and we do it to others. What we can do is to increase positive judgments and decrease negative judgments.
Respecting other people’s judgment, views and opinion is also something that we should be practicing. If we cannot change someone else’s point of view, let it go and focus on something that you have control of, you own JVOs.
Always remember that even if we are undergoing the same scenario with another person, we can never ever really “feel” what they are feeling. By understanding that each of us has a different and unique journey, we might probably judge less and understand more.
So the next time you feel judgmental and annoyed by someone, you can always say “if it were me…” then move on.